The girl I met on bus

She was the conductor (the person who gives bus ticket) of the bus I boarded that day. She was young and I had never seen her before so I assumed she was new. She took my notice because she was wearing the same type of jacket I had thought of buying. Weird reason to notice a person, you must be thinking. Anyway, I noticed her and that’s the essence.

I heard her complaining to the driver that she doesn't have 5 Rs coins for change and that it is a problem. I, beforehand, had decided to give a 500 Rs note for ticket as I was in need of 100s. After hearing her conversation with the driver, I wondered what she would say to me when she sees my 500 Rs note. I imagined her yelling at me for not giving her the exact amount. Well, that is path that most of the conductors resort to when given a chance to accept a 500 or 1000 Rs note. With a smile, she came to me. I thought, 'Hmm, this smile's death is near'. Seeing my 500 Rs note, she was disappointed a bit, but still held the smile. She asked me politely "Do you have 5Rs?” "Oh Yes, I do. Here it is", I said. I was more than happy to give her a 5 so that I can get the 100s that I desperately need. I gave her 5 and she gave me the ticket and the balance amount.

As I had nothing else to do, I started watching her. She was really sweet. Every time somebody entered the bus, she went to them and gave tickets with a smile. And every time she got the smile back. The bus was quiet and there were only a few people in the bus. The driver started talking to her. I guess this was her first day at office a.k.a bus. The driver asked her about her mother. She said "I don't have, sir". He asked "What about your father?”. She said "I don't have, sir". "So who do you have?” She said "Nobody, sir" The driver asked some other things which I could not follow. I was already lost in thoughts of her.

Despite having nobody in this world as her own, she was pleasant and was spreading smiles. My thoughts wandered to some people at office, the people whom I avoid if I can. Some of them, despite having enough (and more) money, family and all that they need, complain about something or the other always. Some people are so negative minded that after a few minutes of conversation with them, we will feel sick. I compared them with this girl. This girl had such a pleasant demeanor that I found myself carrying the same pleasantness along with me even long after getting down from the bus. I wish everybody was pleasant like her.

To listen or not to listen?

You may have had experiences where in some trivial things draws in the nostalgic memories. To me, some songs bring in memories of college days; windy rain reminds the lovely times spent with the friend I cherish; some smell, at times, makes me wander in my mind desperately searching for that elusive culprit, all the while knowing that it is within my grasp but unable to figure out where exactly it is and finally discovering it with a triumph : a moment somewhere in my childhood. I breathe in again and ruminate those pleasant moments.

All good, except for one song. This one, nowadays when I listen to, increases my heart beat and suddenly I become alert as if some menace is getting ready to pounce on me. First time when I felt this way, I just dismissed it as an absurd thought and changed the song. Yup, change the song; nip it in the bud! The song itself is not anything spooky but just a sweet and pleasant one which I used to listen repeatedly during a tense and stressed out time in the past.

The song, which relaxed my tensed mind at one time, now stresses out my relaxed mind! What a bizarre situation! Perhaps, Newton's third law can be applied here as well. This song, indeed, has an equal and opposite reaction.

I tested my mind to check whether it is suffering from a songophobia! But no, it's negative. I listened to that particular song repeatedly to get rid of any hidden phobia, avoided that peculiar song for a long period and listened to it again today. No, it has not gone. The symptoms are back. Heartbeats are rising, palpitations are on the way.Before you dismiss me as a hypochondriac, I'm asking you: Listen or not to listen to music? That is the question.

If...

Incidentally came across this beautiful and inspirational poem by Rudyard Kipling.

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

-Rudyard Kipling